Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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