I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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