Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize