Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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