Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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