Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
