i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
