very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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