She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
