There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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