she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
