please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
