why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
should my penis look like a turkey
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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