Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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