i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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