it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't deserve a penis
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
