Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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