I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
