You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
