I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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