can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
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he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
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We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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