nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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