Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
