Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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