It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
