So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Reggie can tackle my bush.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
