I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
