Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
