nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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