It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
