sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
