when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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