he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
vagina is talking i cant
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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