I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
