Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He better not be in your backpack
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
