I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
