Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
