Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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