my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
