We won't sleep together?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
