I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
