I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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