dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
