She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
