I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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