i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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