i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
