I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
