How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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