It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
