so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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