Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
