from now on my penis is your penis
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
