he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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