His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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