I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
