after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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