At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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