wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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