Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize