I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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