drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize