You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
