my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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