i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
