so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
