Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
