lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
