hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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