he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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