I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
