You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Everclear isn't food dammit
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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