Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
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